Monday, May 12, 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

* out of ****

What is so amazing about the "Amazing Spider-Man" movie reboot series, is not just Sony's ability to retain the rights to a popular franchise, but also Peter Parker's dependence on Adderall. Parker has a lot of responsibilities with his great powers. So much, that I would say not even a superhero could balance them all.

In Sam Raimi's 2003 film, Spider-Man 2 author Michael Chabon contributed to a screenplay where Peter Parker was bogged-down by un-rewarding hero work to the point that his personal life had fallen apart. The lack of Adderall in Spidey's life was a clear problem and may have prevented the relatable struggle which made that film so weak.

In this new "amazing" film, the now-split, highly paid screenwriting duo -and Adderall snorters- Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci continue the mystery of what happened to Parker's parents. Like in the last film, the story element has no consequence but they managed to fit it in anyway right before cutting to Spidey double-dosing as he pursues a high-speed police chase. He even takes a cell phone call from his girlfriend, Gwen Stacey (Emma Stone) who is waiting for him to show up to his graduation as he's thwarting the thugs. He beats them and leaves them in the hands of the law, making it to the ceremony just as his name is called. What a multitasker! 

After graduating, Peter starts to have anxiety side-effects when he starts getting visions of his girlfriend's dead father (Denis Leary) and realizes that people close to him are often put in danger, so he pushes her away. I know we've seen this kind of relationship trouble in just about every Spider-man movie before, but this time it's "amazing"!

Somehow the story moves forward, Peter pops another pill and he wants Gwen back again until he has to do battle with a glowing blue fish from "In Living Color." After the blue enemy destroys Times Square, Peter pops another blue friend, listens to Mumford and Sons and feels inspired to investigate the disappearance of his parents from ten years ago. The room is filled with a web of investigative leads that I'm sure, only make sense to him.

Later, Peter's childhood friend, Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan), unaware of Pete's secret identity, asks if there's any way of obtaining Spiderman's blood to cure him of Chris Cooper's disease. Pete knows this would kill Harry -or turn him into something worse (for the sake of expostion). After these sad thoughts, he finds a little legalized amphetamine inspiration to show up at Harry's house later in the form of Spider-Man, just to tell him the bad news! What are friends for?!

A lot of stuff happens and a villain dies. While I was stupid to even look at my watch after all the blue adderall-laced eye candy had cleared the area, a green villain, which represents Oxycontin shows up. Spidey downs the entire pill bottle. When he's done and the tragedy expectations of all Spider-Geeks is fulfilled, the movie is really ready to wrap-up -but wait! There's a giant steroid-high Paul Giamatti Rhinocerous ready to do battle! This movie is amazing. 

It's even more amazing that all the pill-popping in this movie happened offscreen. The implications are undeniable. It's the only way the movie makes sense!!!!!!! 

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